The Many Faces of Manny Faces

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

New York – Music producer Manny Faces, widely known for popular remakes of commercially released songs by artists such as Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z and Akon, will become the first musician to undergo the risky VTTS medical procedure (Voluntary Tentacle Transplant Surgery).

“I’ll still be able to do all the things I can do now that don’t really require my thumb,” explains Manny. “With the suction tips, some things will be even better, like holding a glass!” Always seeking to push the limits of his musical pursuits, Manny recalls, “I remember having those old Ultimate Breaks and Beats albums, you know, with the octopus DJ, thinking, ‘That’d be hot!’”

While transplanting multiple tentacles is still largely beyond the reach of modern science, doctors feel confident the procedure will allow for dual squid-like attachments to be fully functional. “We are able to attach contiguous nerve viaducts throughout the patient’s body in such a way as to effectuate a natural ease by which the patient can perform various tasks as well as you might imagine a human with tentacles could,” explains New Jersey surgeon Dr. Scott Mankowitz. “It’s Nip/Tuck meets Doc/Ock.”

Friends are unsure whether this is a wise move. “Can it be undone?” asks Samson, Manny’s roommate. “I mean, I can see if he chose pincers, but tentacles?” Manny’s girlfriend was also skeptical, “Sure, scaling an office building will be easier, but what about MY needs?”

Regardless of the effect on the people closest to him, Manny Faces is confident that his new appendages will be the ticket to fame and fortune. “Look,” he bemoans, “Some producers get discovered by creating amazing music that everyone loves, making remixes that sound better than the original songs themselves, and by single-handedly amassing a worldwide fan base. Well, I’ve done all that, and gotten nothing. Now it’s time for something a little different.”