Available here. Thanks to I Did It Creative for the link.

So, what happened was, Usher’s new song Love In This Club, was produced by Polow Da Don. But it turns out, Polow Da Don essentially made the track using preset loops in Apple’s GarageBand software, which comes free with a Mac computer [seen @ Miss Info]. Well, this interests me of course, and as usual, I see things in at least 3 ways.

1. As a “struggling” or “up-and-coming’ producer
This crackerjack-ass no-talent-having, gets 50Gs for doing not much more than <click>, <drag>, <export>, [OK to continue]? No, it is NOT OK to continue Goddammit! I been crate digging, DJing, sampling on cheap ass reverb machines rigged to loop, spent car insurance money on records and Ensoniq keyboard memory chips, listed to hours and hours of albums over and over, looking for JUST the right loop.. Turned my back on good weed and better ass cuz I wasn’t done with this track I was working… Played baselines, piano twinkling, day in, day out, up until 4am on the regular with full time jobs and baby mama drama to turn out to be a pretty damn decent producer/remixer, but who is still not making a dime, while this guy essentially takes his textbook, photocopies chapter 12, hands it to his teacher as an essay, and gets a fucking A!!

2. As a sampling up-and-coming producer
OK, so the argument is, how is this different from me (or Kanye, or Pete Rock, or countless other successful and talented producers in Hip-Hop’s history), sampling loops, adding some drums, and calling it a beat. Lord knows I’m still milking good response and radio play from my Bartender remix, which unashamedly samples George Benson note for note. Well, it is kinda the same. Sort of. I mean, I consider myself a connissour of good music. I sample from records I own (yes, vinyl), or mp3s I download. I filter out so many songs, my ear listens for loops, they are not handed to me. OK so the Give Me The Night loop didn’t take DJ Premier-like audio genius or skillful chopping, but still… I’ve come across royalty-free Loops/Beats CDs here and there, and I would never in my life use any of them. No matter how hot it was. I’m sorry, I just wouldn’t. But there are those producers, who might be very musically talented, who would say the same of me and my sampling. While I just can’t bring myself to say that Polow’s extremely uninspiring method of selecting music and creating tracks is nearly close to being equal in creativity to doing what I, or many other talented sampling-based producers do, to really call him out on it, would verge on hypocrisy.

3. As a listener
Well, I do like the song. I kinda thought Usher was gonna remain fallen off, but I think this is a good look. Personally, I have to say dig the joint. I bounce in the car a little like a fool when it comes on and I sing the hook sitting at my desk at the day-job. I guess at the end of the day, that’s what really matters.

No matter who, or what, made the music.

New York – Music producer Manny Faces, widely known for popular remakes of commercially released songs by artists such as Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z and Akon, will become the first musician to undergo the risky VTTS medical procedure (Voluntary Tentacle Transplant Surgery).

“I’ll still be able to do all the things I can do now that don’t really require my thumb,” explains Manny. “With the suction tips, some things will be even better, like holding a glass!” Always seeking to push the limits of his musical pursuits, Manny recalls, “I remember having those old Ultimate Breaks and Beats albums, you know, with the octopus DJ, thinking, ‘That’d be hot!’”

While transplanting multiple tentacles is still largely beyond the reach of modern science, doctors feel confident the procedure will allow for dual squid-like attachments to be fully functional. “We are able to attach contiguous nerve viaducts throughout the patient’s body in such a way as to effectuate a natural ease by which the patient can perform various tasks as well as you might imagine a human with tentacles could,” explains New Jersey surgeon Dr. Scott Mankowitz. “It’s Nip/Tuck meets Doc/Ock.”

Friends are unsure whether this is a wise move. “Can it be undone?” asks Samson, Manny’s roommate. “I mean, I can see if he chose pincers, but tentacles?” Manny’s girlfriend was also skeptical, “Sure, scaling an office building will be easier, but what about MY needs?”

Regardless of the effect on the people closest to him, Manny Faces is confident that his new appendages will be the ticket to fame and fortune. “Look,” he bemoans, “Some producers get discovered by creating amazing music that everyone loves, making remixes that sound better than the original songs themselves, and by single-handedly amassing a worldwide fan base. Well, I’ve done all that, and gotten nothing. Now it’s time for something a little different.”

…so they ask the govt for a lil help…

(small town)

…so the dept of homeland security gives them $665,000!!…

(small town)

HOW SMALL IS IT?

(3,500 people)

…only big ‘target’ for terrorism in town is a 1450-pound concrete sculpture of cheese…

(yes, cheese)

…and the best part?

None of the $665,000 can be spent on a fire truck.

Genius.

The astronaut story kills me. Some people are saying space virus. I say, there are people on Earth who are even crazier than her, so forget that theory.

Interesting, a glass/steel walkway for tourists to faint on at the Grand Canyon opens in March.

In other Manny Faces news… My MJB remix used on DJ Medley’s extremely cool-sounding mixtape.

It’s cold in NY.

P.S Someone comment dammit, just so I can continue to live the belief that someone actually reads this stuff from time to time.